She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
