You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
