Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I skipped work to stalk him.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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