you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this is an emotional support booty call
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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