the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
