i always forget guys have bellybuttons
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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