the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
