Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
