Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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