So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize