I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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