it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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