The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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