Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
