when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize