just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
