They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Green mimosas i think yes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
