what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
