i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
