I never want to see another naked old woman again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How does it feel to date your dad?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
