I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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