ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
