I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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