I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
