Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
