That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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