so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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