Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize