so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
