I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
