Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
