I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize