I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
