I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
