i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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