i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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