He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
