I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
