Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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