happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
