Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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