I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
