can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
