fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
