Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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