then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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