I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
