she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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