I'd wear matching sweaters with you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
