I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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