There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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