This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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