We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
