this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
