I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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