I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize