You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
