Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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