I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
