dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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