Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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