You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
