I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
