You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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