Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
