I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
