I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize