once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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